Start Where You Are
"'Mindfulness practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already.''
Pema Chodrun
I have a question for you.
What would you be doing right now if you weren't struggling with body, food, weight?
You could be doing anything. You might be appreciating the subtle springtime changes: first buds on trees, the tiny tip of a purple crocus pushing through the earth. I'm grateful to be able to witness all this season offers now--but honestly--this was not always the case. I missed years of gardens, birds, sky and light, missed years of the smell of lilacs blooming, the feel of the sun and wind on my skin, the touch of a smooth river stone. Why couldn't I see what was right in front of me, what was free, fun and fragrant?
Because I had to worry about my thighs. Sound familiar?
Back then, I spent every moment focusing on and consumed with what I didn't want, what I didn't like, what was "wrong" with me. My Fear Mind railed, "No rest, no play, and don't even think about just Being until you're perfect. This MIND perpetually scolded me about what I ate yesterday, last week, warned me about what I'd better not eat tomorrow. Oy! I was so busy reacting to this fearful mind; I didn't realize that I had other choices. I didn't realize that I could make a choice to be happy right now. Just as I was.
When I finally took a breath, took a seat and asked what did I really want-here's what I discovered: what I wanted was beyond recovery, beyond letting go of bingeing, starving, dieting, restricting. What I really cravedwas simple and fundamental: Peace. After years of struggling and spinning I had a revelation--thinner thighs, a certain weight, shape or size were NOT paths to happiness. I realized that Peace meant giving myself a break. Not tomorrow, not when, but Now.
So, how do you, in this moment take a Mindful Step towards Peace, Play and Light-ness?
--------Start where you are--------------------------------------------
Play is a creative, spontaneous process of adventure and discovery. So is recovery! When you're a beginner-at anything, it's important to be patient, gentle and kind with yourself. No judgments, no conclusions. There are no mistakes. Befriend yourself. Instead of focusing on what you don't want, focus on what you do want. How do you want to feel?
1. Choose: Make a list of activities, interests, hobbies and games that make you smile when you think of them. If nothing comes to mind, try this: With your dominant hand write-What would I like to do? With your nondominant hand--don't think, edit or critique--just list whatever comes-jump rope, skip, sled, bike, bake, color, knit, dance...
2. Play: Ever watch kids? They invest all of themselves-hands, eyes, feet, mouth, elbows in whatever they're doing. They don't worry about how they look or what anyone else thinks. They're in the moment. Don't think, move! Got swings?
3. Reflect: How did that feel? Collect feedback from your body, from that little kid inside you. How did you like the activity you chose? Want to do it again? Try another?
4. Repeat: Keep going. Mini-adventures, things you haven't tried before. Remember: the sillier the better. Keep practicing playing and staying present.
Note: THE Fearful, spinning MIND will probably send out all sorts of warnings (OMG! How dare you? Who do you think you are?) about such silly, pointless behavior. So what? Big deal. Who cares? Keep going. Insist on a banquet of your Heart's Desire-Enjoy!